Active Listening

The third tool in spiritual foundation is Active Listening. Active listening is an ongoing watchfulness of self while another is communicating with you. The idea and goal of this is to refrain from thinking about what you want to say while another is talking to you. If you are thinking while another is communicating you are not giving your total attention to that person. The less you are thinking the more you are listening, and that is a true gift to any conversation.

I have found that when a person has fully communicated what they are saying to me that if I can sum up and repeat back to them what they have said it is truly a gift that I am giving back. A person completely heard is completely fulfilled. This also allows me to be completely present with another. I feel grounded and connected to the person I am communicating with. The art of listening can go a long way in small talk and in deep conversation with a loved one.

Have you ever been so excited and connected to someone that all you want to do is hear what they have to say and be present with them? Then as time goes on you find that your love to hear what they have to say becomes overrun by your need to speak? Eventually, you begin to shut them out, and they feel unheard and unappreciated.

When I am fully committed to listening; not speaking what I think is important to the conversation (which would most likely make me interrupt the conversation in the name of my ego), I find that what I had to say would have turned a deep connection into a frustrating and irritating experience. This will manifest a separation between me and my conversation partner. If I continue to act like I am listening only to make my point when I find the right spot, eventually my conversations with this person will grow stale and complicated. When I am truly open to what the other person is saying, there is no way to predict what my response will be, if any.

A great book to read to further your understanding of this is Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. You can also find schools that offer classes on this way of communicating. Try to think about it the next time you are in a conversation...you will find that if you begin to communicate this way your relationships will become more meaningful and you will feel present within each and every one of them. This is a true gift to you and to those around you.