Grieving is an
emotional way to release and find balance in life about a situation of
loss. If you do not grieve you will hold on to a person that has passed by
not letting yourself go into that place inside you where healing can actually take
place. If you do grieve you can unwind your pain and suffering around a person
that has passed, simply by letting yourself go into that place inside.
In my own experiences,
I have been in both places with people that I loved who have passed. I’ve
allowed the grieving to occur, and I’ve stifled it, subconsciously trying to
hold on by not fully experiencing the loss. One example which is appropriate
for this blog because of who this man was to me is the loss of my best friend, my
hero and my grandfather, whose birthday is March 13th and who has
been gone from this plane for over 20 years.
In the immediate time
period following his death, there was a lot of grief that took place for
me. But the grief was a holding on to, a resistance of reality, and a
resentment of his absence. I experienced anger, pain, frustration, irritation
and other lower vibrational emotions. I did not want to believe that my
hero in life was not with me anymore, and I tried very hard not to accept it. For
years I held on to this pain because I thought it was keeping him alive, when really
it only was the illusion of keeping him alive.
As time moved on from
my grandfather’s passing, I began to get healing work done and read some great
books that helped me understand the process of grieving. I found that grieving
in my body allowed for the tears and the sadness to flow through me like a
river into an ocean. I sometimes grieved for over an hour with
uncontrollable crying. What an intense process that was for me, because
honestly I remember wondering if it would ever stop.
But when I started to truly
grieve, I realized that to be balanced with this loss, I had so many grieving’s
to go, and there is no shortcut. I believe that we get a certain amount of
grieving’s for each person that dies and it can be 10 or 50 or 500. And you
just can’t cut it short, go around it, or avoid it. You must experience the sadness;
you must cry every tear that needs to be cried, in order to fully process the
loss and eventually to move on.
Another realization
for me was that I began to understand that my grieving, in large part, was for
the physical loss of who my grandfather was to me. I was grieving over the
loss of his physical presence; the love I had for his physicality was a result
of my beliefs that equated him with his body. I so loved the physical
representation of him, because to me that was him, and I missed him terribly.
Over the years I have continued to deepen my understanding that ‘he’ was not
his body, and so even though his body is gone, his spirit and love are still
present in my life.
With my openness to
feeling the pain I found peace in my heart and soul. I feel calm, balanced
and alive remembering him and all of my angst, anger and pain have finally
lifted. That’s not to say it doesn’t still hurt sometimes. I will always
miss my grandfather…his body, his voice, his personality… and I wish I had
another moment with him to share my life and what has evolved within it. For
him to meet my beautiful wife whom I know he would have loved and for him to
know my precious daughter who he would have went bananas for. Much of who
I am today is a tribute to who he was for me.
I have many clients
that I work with to help them unwind and find peace with the deceased in their
lives. The process of going into the grieving is not easy but it is doable,
and it’s healthy. Each grieving is one step closer to peace and
balance. You will never forget that person that touched your heart and
soul, and nor would you want to. But when the pain is intense, you will be able
to find a sacred place inside you… a well of love, peace and joy, that you can
draw comfort from. You can feel grateful, knowing that they helped create this
place because of who they were, for you, in this lifetime.
If you have someone
that has touched your life that has passed, please give them a shout out and
type their name in the comment section.
Thomas Monzo, my grandfather. I miss you and love
you very much.
